it's sunday(pm). slept way too much the last couple of days. the red room reminds me of the dance club portrayed in shallow hal. watching people attempt to get their "grooves" on is quite funny to me. not because i'm the be all end all of great dancers (i know i am, ask my ex-es), but it's the situation in which it's presented. dark, seedy club. disco/technofied justin timberlake songs coupled with a horrendous trance versions of snoop dogg's 'beautiful' and the clipse's 'when the last time'...do these factors make it preemptively 'ok' to subjectify patrons like myself and lazy to such madness. of course not. but rather than it being nauseating; funny came to mind and i told myself it was ok...so i drank more.
(9juin2003) shit that day..as i sit listening to bob marley's anthem 'no woman no cry' i recognized the date of my last blog. shit, had this been an ideal world i would've been celebrating my one-year anniversary that fucking day. oh well. can't dwell on stuff like that. it was fun but it's over. a deeper meaning...yeah.
i read 'the alchemist' by paulo coelho. it's along the same lines of 'on the road' by jack kerouac. it really changed my pov and made me wonder what my 'legend' is and what is the direction i'm following. it's a quick, but a very excellent, thought-provoking read. trust me...if you do, you'll change.
listening to portishead.
talking to shirley on aim.
do you believe in magic...la dee da dee da.
fcuk that. let's see...it's june. i'll echo the sentiments of triple-A and say that i'm feeling a bit nostalgic this month.
a year ago this month i saw a lot of changes...i said goodbye to friends, goodbye to school, goodbye to the old me, said hello to new life, new love, new future. so if i had the opportunity to go back in time and tell something to my 'old' self whatwould i say?
i'd probably advise myself to live at home right from the outset. i'd advise myself to take out a loan and use the money to travel europe and asia for two months. then fucking finally start working. i'd advise myself to save more of my fucking money. most importantly, i'd advise myself to TAKE MY TIME AND THINK THINGS THROUGH. why caps. well i wanted to stress that last part. i think that's about all i'd say. oh, i'd also say to myself to go to more concerts with detroit and sayreville. that's all.
i would love the opportunity to go back in the past and warn...er...advise myself about all the shit i've been through...instead 2003 shaped out to be one of the shittiest years ever...it still is i mean. ask me do i believe in magic? well if this can happen, well i suppose i'm a believer. a day-dream believer.
oh what decisions have i made. 1)going with my instincts 2)no man is an island but it won't hurt trying to be one over the summer 3)we live in a not so beautiful world
back to some old stuff...the top 5ive things that can consistently piss me the phuck off.
1)unwanted phone calls
2)humidity...unless it's during sex
3)highschoolkids who hang out at taco bell
4)people who umproperly applicate words (if you got that, then it applies to you)
5)impatient people..that includes me
after a year of working i've also decided that i'm most likely going to sell my soul for the $$$$. i think growing up without a whole lot makes you hungrier when you're working. you're walking blind trying to balance the ideology of keeping in true and doing right with that of taking the risks and applying your f the world, rogue cowboy way of running things. shit why leave if the money is good.
so why now can i say now that $$$$ will probably dictate my path (ie. where to go to grad school/what courses to take/who to network with) because it's fucking true. how else would you be able to pay for insurance, your expensive shoes, your expensive apartment, your expensive technologies, your expensive life. do i bring it on myself. no fucking doubt.
it's all i know after one year of working. is that a bad thing...no not necessarily...is it a good thing...on some levels yes. at least it's some sort of a fucking direction, however misguided. is it what i believe and want...ab-sa-fucking-loutely not. do i have a choice...here's a shocker, YES yes i do. bet you thought i'd say no...then that way your save the world mentality could tell you to tell me that it's going to be ok and that i can do something about it. of course i know i can do something about it. you think that you could tell me something about my life that i already didn't know. please. go eat your fortune cookies and drink your lattes. this is my life, you're just a pawn who actually chooses to read what i write. very sad i might add. the thing about these things is that its not like i'm writing real time; i can manipulate and insert and cut and choose how i want this shit to read out. just remember that.
what the hell am i writing about. ah yes i do not say that i have the answers to the quandary that is my life. no. am i willing to hear others out. no. so what am i to do? i'll answer that...hold my fortune cookie while i put this latte on the table.
