a quick one. some people don't really earn the money they should be making. it's a shame that i'm in an industry where those who do the least amount of work get paid the most (default to seniority). it's a shame.
oh someday....oh...i ain't wasting no more time.
thought i'd quote the ever-inspiring strokes.
though they probably shouldn't be making the money they make.
ok. it may sound like i have a fixation with money...in one way or another we all do. some more than others. it's just a matter of how well you hide it.
found out today that al gore won't be running for president in '04 - there goes the one familiar face dems have now.
kerry (married into money)...gephardt (bleh)...lieberman (um...)...daschle (we'll pass on the anthrax...thanks)...here's a curveball. i heard p.diddy (no not me, the other one) might run. now that's a familiar face.
i don't get politicians, anything for money, they sound like strippers to me.
my my my...what a tangled web trent lott has weaved himself into. comment dit-on "dumbass" en francais? what an a-hole. i mean seriously...republicans need to call a vote on whether they want this schmuck representing them (the majority party in the senate). if he said it once and it was taken in the wrong context, fine. but this mofo said the same exact shit in 1980, not to mention he was a keynote at two "white empowerment" conferences. now i see him pleading and begging for forgiveness on BET, fucking BET. oh shit. it will indeed hit the fan. my prediction: lott will be out by Jan 31. over/under is 2 months.
even if lott is ousted, the dems/indies/green/etc. will be minority in senate and the house. fuck. where's p.diddy when you need him.
weekend was pretty fun. it was nice holiday shopping for my family, my friends, and my girl. however, i do think i spend too much money. um...saw maidinmanhattan. total cf, but twas cute i suppose. i know jlo was.
9 days and counting until Christmas.
my eyes are getting sleepy.
paul
ps. the new u2 double cd is dope, so is "cry me a river", "thin line" , "rise and fall" and "ching ching ching"
pss. it's the most wonderful time of the year...smile.
last nite was my company's holiday party...full with magicians, scantly clad dancers, house band with an entourage of 50, co-workers making up in booze what they know they won't get in bonus, the word sloshed being used as a constant adjective throughout the evening, and who can forget the opportunity to network and mingle with people who are constantly looking for someone more important to talk to. for those of you lucky enough not to have ever been subjected to these types of "arranged, corporate celebrations" please stay that way. not unless free booze is something you cannot live without.
i had fun though. but then it started raining. so i left with her.
i made plans this week to get on a jet plane and see other countries. paris and amsterdam in the span of 4 days. it should be fun. i am now taking requests for "souvenirs".
departure time is less than two months away, but i still have to get my passport renewed. i hope i'm not cutting it close.
well other than that...not much else is up with me. i'm preparing myself for the hole that i'm probably going to burn into my wallet this weekend. i'm about 15% done my shopping for the holiday which is pretty good, considering i was 15% done two days before the holiday. it's hard to plan ahead and think what you're going to buy...i think it's best to just buy when you see something that reminds you about the other. it's all about being sentimental, honest, and sincere with your gifts and gift giving.
everything is going well with life otherwise. saw a lot of rain this week, she's doing good. i'm so in love with her...sometimes it hurts. i think this week has provided me with what i want it to be like going forward. so there indeed will be some changes...details for follow...as soon as i know them. i love you.
take that you naysayers
dirty and i are also pondering the idea of stepping into the fray of american capitalism. more details about that, as soon as i buy dirty a meal.
splinter cell for xbox is hurting my eyes, but why do i keep playing?
go watch swingers. you're so money baby. like a freaking bear!
ok. go have fun. fleece-out. that reminds me....
ok wait i'm not done. since tis the season to be jolly. i would like to list (nostalgia) the 5 stores not to shop at during anytime of the year.
(1through5...5 being the most shitty)
1. Old Navy. For fuck's sake. Don't shop here. Don't get me wrong, I think bargain prices are as great as the next frugal spender, but c'mon you just gotta hate those damn commercials. Everyone's so fucking jolly and dilly (?) and sprucy (??). I mean every retail commercial is as fake as the next, but these fuckers take the preverbial cake on this one. I say no.
2. Versace/Burberry/Gucci/HugoBoss/Nordstrom/NeimanMarcus. Ok this is my list so if I want to pool these stores into one ranking, well fuck it I'm going to. The items in each of these stores, well let's just say if I bought something here I could have easily bought ever homeless person in Delaware (it is a small state), a super sized happy meal and in addition to that a scratch off lottery ticket. Don't insult society by injecting capital into these so-called establishments of upward social and economic movement. Just don't.
3. Wal-mart. Before you assume anything. I don't hold shares of stock in Target, K-Mart, Amazon.com, or any other retailer you might be thinking of. Simply put, there's just too much to consider when you're there. By the time you decide, what the fuck, the shit's already gone. Plus, is it me or are the people that shop there meaner than the people that shop at the number 2 rank?
4. Dollar Stores. You cheap bastards.
5. My head hurts now...there is no number 5.
Where you should go? Costco/BJs/anything wholesale. Low Prices and Bulk. Enough said. Bring it.
....harder to breathe by maroon 5. brilliant lyricists (sic?)
....all i need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend. by hova and b.
ah....not quite a long december but this counting crow is getting by. i am realising more and more how much money plays a part in people's lives. as a means to survive, gloat, influence, and the such. people (myself possibly included) can be so jaded by the green the paper the chase. f us...we should be donating to wwf or greenpeace. where are we going.
the turkey coup (?) went well. saw a lot of my family saw a lot of her family. it was a fun time. didn't want it to end, but alas it's tuesday and i'm here blogging wishing it was thursday-friday-saturday-sunday everyday. how i wish it were so....
officially started my holiday shopping this week. selecting gifts for the ones you love and care about is a very daunting, pressure-packed, yet enjoyable task. i'm done compiling my list for all my parents, friends, family, roommates, and co-workers and rain. you know i'm realising something these kids who have birthdays within the same vicinity as Christmas have it made. i haven't known one kid who doesn't get two sets of presents. it's like having parents who are divorced and remarried....two sets of gifts. ok maybe that situation isn't that good...but whatever two gifts is two gifts.
oh well...since i really don't ask for much during the holiday i figure i'd make up my fantasy top five list of gifts for this holiday season.
1)electric razor - fuck yeah...say goodbye to the mach3...charge me up.
2)down comforter - in all my years i've had blankets that were too thin and to nice to use for acutal sleeping during the winter months. i want the one with the flamingo feathers.
3)wall mounted stereo - why do those shits cost like $300 and are only sold at sharper image....i'll take some duct tape and a walkman. do up that shit ghetto like
4)brioni suit - what else am i going to wear when i go for my interviews in new york
5)a thomas' english muffin with the perfect balance of nooks and crannies.
ok...now what will i get others...for those of you lucky enough to get something from diddy this holiday...expect a lot of love and cards for this player lost his money in a friendly game of cards. i said uno focker.
ah...this eminem is one good artist.
ah...bleh
oh...yes. i forgot to mention rain. both her and i are doing fine. it's always difficult to shop for someone you love...whether they're the one you're dating or the one you're related to. that's where the pressure is. but whatever i get you or you..rest assured there will be unlimited amounts of love accompanying it. sappy and corny as how it may sound to the rest of you; you just don't know how it feels and i can empathize with you. i thought this kind of stuff was on the bleh side until i actually went and still continue through it. the pressure of buying someone you love a gift? i would take that pressure any day. because it means i'm loving someone and they're loving me.
i wonder if i'm the only one in the world that thinks american media is one sided. i'm at work n-ow so this should give an indication as to what i am (not) doing. it's frusting but what the f am i going to do. no job = no money. no money = unpaid bills. unpaid bills = lots of debt. lots of debt = no more paul. so i guess i'm selling out for now. what ever happened to interesting jobs like writing stories. designing buildings. making music. oh well. it's all about the benjamins baby.
that 70s show provides the smartest dialogue on television...no discussion.
turkey thanks is celebrated next week...and like the true nostalgic person i am i harp back onto what i was doing this time last year...
i think i was taking mid-term exams and hopelessly pulling all nighters (java my friend) and going into class with sub-one hour sleep sessions. it sucked but i wouldn't trade those experiences for the world. i remember cramming the night before the exam and i was able to enjoy one of the benefits of living in philadelphia...the everpresent 315 in the morning car alarm...that didn't stop. seriously, that fucking alarm was still on by the time i left for my 8am class. i was also a little lost..with my post-collegiate plans...my lack of strategy and drive. that was my turning point and now look...i am doing high-finance and living in delaware. fuck i should have slept the rest of the year. oh well no time for complaining. i'm one of those complainers who complains but never really tries to do anything about it. i'm the worst kind. you just want to tell me to shut the fuck up and DO SOMETHING!!!! the turkey did taste really good though that weekend.
spent some time with the parents this weekend. it was nice to chat it up and argue it up with my parents. they're the best. they don't mind if i nap in the middle of the afternoon and drool all over their couch. it sucks that i'm only 20 minutes away and i don't see them often...at least not as much as i feel i should.
thankfully the fucking hockey season is over in december. it's funny how things you once thought were fun...turn on you. sorry that was a bit fight club-esque of me to say that shit. imagine if i started my own fight club. that would indeed stir things up a bit at 19809.
ah...aside from my distaste from 7-5....i'm good otherwise. i've been told that my conversation skills suck ass...which is a fair criticism. i'll try to work on that...notice i said try.
rain is good. we're approaching number six. she's good to me...and i think i'm good to her. we're good for each other. though we're apart during the week, i feel like she's by my side...albeit not physically...but hearing her voice and looking at her face (in the pictures)...is a wonderful thing, though being next to her is the greatest. from monday through friday it suffice and helps me get through the mundane resin left during the week. ah how i wish everyday was the weekend...then i'd see her all the time. until nyc arrives to me...let me just give my paycheck to verizon and sprintpcs. bleh. i do love you so. you make my heart sing...you know one of those really really good love songs...like "heaven" or "ribbon in the sky" or "at last" or "let's stay together" or "trulymadlydeeply". your my sweetness.
read great expectations and watch cruel intentions
listen to some jack johnson and the new coldplay
you should think about accepting differences and realizing that love makes the world go round.
ah....sweet november....the world is halfway through your sweetness.
(sorry that was my thoreau/waldenesque moment)
i think i understand what people mean when they say cleaning and rearranging things around the house is therapeutic. not that i needed it, but since it came to me i accepted. i highly recommend it to anyone who's stressed out.
living away from the big city (philly or nyc) makes me appreciate it more and more. let's face it the burbs, especiallly in DE, suck. i can get up at 3am and get a sandwich from a corner deli, if i so wished. nor could i call up some friends to go play pool and drink beers until last call (in nyc it's 5am). i don't want to sound like i'm complaining. anyways i wanted to rant about that.
i went back to ihouse the other night...yo tob i stayed at your old pad. if walls could talk right...
it's really strange to observe the changes that occurred since my departure from philly. the people, administration, and the building are all different. very odd but then again i think it would bother me more if everything was exactly the same. progression is good.
working my way back to the city topic. it's just nice to be surrounded by diversity...something not found here in DE. i guess i'm getting used to it, that doesn't mean i like or will stand for it much longer.
maybe it's cause i'm missing d. she means a lot to me and not having her around, well it sucks. i hope she knows i miss her face, laugh, smile, heart, soul, and love. i can't always drive to see you and you can't always drive to see me. it doesn't mean my love or your love isn't always present. i guess for me it transcends a physical presence. we're so far above that; what we have is indescribable and unparalleled by anything in this world. i love you babes.
i need to move to a big city. and buy bagels from a deli, not a superfresh.
going to play some soccer now.
paul
wow...i haven't really written in quite sometime. i have a habit of putting things i'd like to do off for indefinite amounts of time. anyways...let's see what's happened since my last post.
celebrated my 23rd birthday with my girl and my friends. very very excellent time. for those of you who remember i was gone beyond my gord last year. serious lack of control on my part. should've know better than to take vodka/tequila mixed shots from my turkish flatmates. damn. danger...watchaself.
ok what else...i remain on the fast track to unlimited careerdom. i need a break of some sort. maybe grad school, maybe volunteering, something to halt this monotony (sic?). aside from work...i have nothing to say but extremely good things about ma vie privee. my love for D is still strong...i see her every weekend (which isn't enough) but i've recently discovered that the drive to nj is much cheaper and quicker (on some level). my schedule is no longer determined by the powers that be at that grand ole transit monopoly known as amtrak. ha! how bout them apples.
i've been told quite a few times from friends who patronize me, by reading this blog, that my discussions regarding my love for my lady is quite disgusting and it makes them less likely to read my posts considering how much i talk about my relationship. my words to those, kind...yet honest folk...yeah you who dare question my posts...to you this is what i say...
SHUT YOUR MOUTH...try not to panic.
back to what i want to talk about....
to know someone loves you in the same way you love them is such a wonderful feeling. the feeling you get looking at that person's face in the morning...the feeling you get when you tell them how much you love them and they give you a smile that can light the world for generations...the beauty inside and outside...uncomparable to anything in this world. that is love my friends. i love you D. i can't wait to move you nyc to be with you tous les temps. you're so beautiful.
ok ok ok...i'll leave your eyes alone.
great new artist to look out for...thicke...the song "when i get you alone" good good stuff.
things not to look out for..."the rules of attraction" absolutely horrendous.
Sucker love is heaven sent.
You pucker up, our passion's spent.
My hearts a tart, your body's rent.
My body's broken, yours is spent.
Carve your name into my arm.
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Sucker love, a box I choose.
No other box I choose to use.
Another love I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse.
In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me...he
Sucker love is known to swing.
Prone to cling and waste these things.
Pucker up for heavens sake.
There's never been so much at stake.
I serve my head up on a plate.
It's only comfort, calling late.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me...he
Every me and every you,
Every Me...he
Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
All alone in space and time.
There's nothing here but what here's here's mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you.
met summer's parents (this time it included her dad). i was a bit imtimidated and continue to be. i am a self-proclaimed sweet-talker when it comes to parents....so we'll see in the long run. how i fare...
up north it is a much different atmosphere. life in de, it simply pales in comparison. there is so much to offer in other 'big' cities. though i grew up here i think i'm a city boy at heart.
went to the strokes show last nite with dirty mcdurbin. fucking awesome i must say. i swear i was rubbing elbows with drew barrymore, but neither mcdurbin or i could truly vouch for it. i do know she dates the band's drummer. oh well. the first two bands were ok. but the strokes set was the showstopper. true rock and roll....and c'mon he fucking said 'fucking homeboys from back in da day' props to that drunk lead singer. great show.
b-day is fast approach...to think where i was last year to where i am now. i wouldn't have even imagined it.
a lot can happen in a year but a lot can change in a year too.
months fly by so fast now. i don't know where the time goes. somehow i feel like i've been productive, be it professionally, personally, or otherwise. ok i'm getting reminiscent...i think the months following graduation have been pretty calm, though trying at times, i'm glad with what i've done and looking forward i hope the next months are just as wonderful.
work is work. the financial markets are really bad. i think the labor market is just as worse. if i planned to do anything it SHOULD definitely be worth it. don't know about the rest of you but i think the pressure i have at work is very similar to those found at most professions, but on some levels it surpasses. second-to-second decision making that can enable you to make/lose money; just like that. sometimes i feel like i wouldn't want to trade my job...othertimes i'm ready to pull a postal...just kidding folks.
that's work though. outside i think i've managed to live in obscurity (sic) don't really make it out too often and that may upset some people. i'm sorry, i'm just a dork who enjoys staying at home after a good dinner and wants to watch t.v. or a dvd. i try to make it to the movies or the mall occasionally, but i think the days of me randomly going to bars, clubs, lounges, what have you....i think they are going to be put aside. who knows...maybe sweet november will yield actions contrary to what i've listed above. i doubt it though.
i just started playing sport for my company club team. fucking unbelievable the competition, but i realised how out-of-shape my ass really is. i could point it to the smoking or the drinking or the lack of sleep or the drugs...um....just kidding. i don't do drugs. but my lack of sleep and constant stomach-turning would cause one to believe a different story.
then there's love. i think it has been a challenge but one that was welcomed and will continue to be. on one hand it so easy to love her on the other it gets harder to be far apart from her. sometimes it can be really tough especially if all the come-yoon-ie-k is via telephone. we've managed to log a lot of driving and train miles....maybe more in the future....but may(nyc)be it won't be long...when she or i can take the subwAy to seeU eacGh Oo3ther. making moves to higher places. babes read between the lines. hee. my relationship with her is so great. i am just hopeful that everyone can experience what i have. the love i have for her and the love she gives me....it so wonderful, magical, spiritual....all that stuff. skeptics...laugh all you want, criticize as much as you want, habor all the cynicism you want about viewing love. i was that way too. but 1nce you find her or him, you will INDEED know it. it's that surreal feeling that not even the most creative writer can pen up. it's that rush or that highest of the high that skydiving or any road rules episode couldn't come close to capturing. it's that undescribable smile or thought you possess knowing that you're loved unconditionally. that my friends is a special thing called love. i love you dr or rain or infinity or buster or waldo. (as i type she sprays the best scent found on this earth or er...the duane reade-e on 52nd street. i do love her so.
this weekend...i meet the dad. my preconceived notions have led me to harbor feelings of anxiety and unbounding fear that he will pound my ass to the ground...if he doesn't like me. i hope the mom can back me up...hee.
um...i turn 23 in a week. don't know how to feel about that. i should write more later.
the strokes are in philly sunday. the durbin or the lazy eye as i will start calling him are in for a night partying with rock stars.
listening-to the strokes so i can sing the shit at the show
watching-scandalous behavior on the rw-lasvegas. skanky isn't even close.
thinking-i wish rain would take the day off. i think it will be a nice day.
if you do drive the njturnpike be careful these guys are horrible drivers.
not much to update...our house party on saturday was excellent. people getting their fun on. all good.
let's see...the next party should be next month. all, indeed are invited. when i threw parties at the eyehouse it seemed much more fun and easier. the crowd was more on the suburban pa/frat party tip, but my girl and my friends showed so it was a great party (to me).
work is still, well it's there. let's just say that.
thinking about going to philly next week. there are some friends i need to see. also my alma mater.
i'm sorry if this blog is mad boring but i'm sleepy right now...i feel like moby.
if you don't like my mushiness...first, fuck you. second, stop reading here. thanks.
does anyone out there know cheap airlines that fly to vegas (wink wink rain).
i love my baby a lot. things can be and will get tough (in school, in general) but i know you're strong babes. i don't worry about you because i know you're driven by nature to succeed and make a difference and love with your heart. that's just one of a million things i know i love about you. if i could buy a million stars i'd give them all to you. you're one of a kind. if i could sing i'd sing for you...i could live without the shine of the sun, but i can't live without the shine in your eyes and heart.
september is about through (1.75 weeks left). hard to believe. i had dinner last night at a great restaurant called (get this)..le mas perrier. what the fuck? i wondered the same thing. ultra pretentious, mega snobby, mable pillars, model type servers, kind of place that makes you want to eat at taco bell for the rest of your life. but like i said it was a great place. the food (no matter how overpriced) was delicious....i think 99.9% of the reason it's so great is because someone else picked up the tab.
so what does the weekend hold...ah yes. tomorrow is my house's inaugural party. sort of a house warming if you will. my girl and my friends will be there. unfortunately, my family cannot attend. it should be fun, so long as no fuck up stranger messes up my house. it's funny though how karma works, in high school and college i was always that stranger than came to your house, drank your beer, pissed on your bathroom floor (aim is not good after 7 lagers), and made you angry that you let someone invite someone who invited someone and so on...my next blog will contain post-party updates.
more and more i'm growing distasteful with where i'm at. there hasn't been too much progression professionally. same stuff...granted it has been 3 months, but still i don't really see anything 1 year down the line...now what you may ask, does this all mean? it may mean a number of things. a) maybe a career change b) maybe a move to another city-same job c) maybe a move and a career change. i'm a bit confused and annoyed and hopeful that something good will happen. but we'll see.
the only good i've seen over the last few months is how wonderful it is to be in love, how wonderful it is to have a close family, and how wonderful it is to have good friends. there have been a lot of let downs professionally for me, but luckily the aforementioned have kept me sane and balanced. i've been quite the pessimist lately, but i think living with such paranoia (inherent) and such negativity does take a toll on someone. not to sound philosophical but life is good. i love my family and i love my girl and i love my friends.
a sappy man's manifesto? hells no.
granted i'm a lost highway professionally, i'm headed the right direction personally.
by the way...fuck the mushyness of this....whateveryouguysthink...
true love has been found and it was under my nose for the past five years. luckily i'm with her and she's here with me. we do have issues...100 some odd miles to be exact....but that WILL go away. i promise babes. your spirit, presence, heart, smile, laugh, intelligence, sincerity, drive, determination, and love keep this car on the right route. i'm not lost anymore buster.
paul.
you should hear some jackjohnson.danielbedington. and what the f...thestrokes.
you should see madden2003...off the heezy
you should come to my party...only if you were extended an offer..j/k
you should try to find love...it can be a wonderful thing.
in jersey city...at buster's place. really nice view of the city...the view of her face is much prettier though. makes me wish i was here everyday to see it...in the morning (with sleepies in her eyes)...during the day (when she's dropping knowledge with determination)...and at night (before she denies the world her beautiful eyes...because beauty has to sleep too)...ok new york city is on my agenda for the next year.
work was tremendously busy but i managed to get in at 7 and leave at 5. caught a train to nyc...which by the way got delayed...i actually think it's a conspiracy. more expensive the train the less likely you get "delayed" fucking monopolies. guess what kids...i get to go back to high school tomorrow. bleh!
you ever get that feeling you get when you just know things feel right. i'm feeling that right now. don't feel this way very often but i always feel that way when it "rains" particularly those summer rains. i do love her so. as sappy and as bleh as i sound. i'll tell it to the world...i don't really care if they want to hear it or not...go to another website. hi love!
gotta run...springsteen on t.v. always catches my attention.
bye.
oh yeah...
jack johnson is great..."flake" should be downloaded to your computers immediately.
cold weather feels good when the summer heat has taken a toll on your body.
i like cable modems...things seem faster...even my typing. ok that's bullshit.
anyone have frodo's number?
quite a surreal feeling these last couple of days. i've been on media overload both at work and home and in the car. hard to believe its been one year (almost) since i and the rest of the world felt numb, surreal, lost, confused, angry, and helpless...9/11. the recent media blitz that began last week has led me to remember what i was doing a year ago...living at eyehouse...working at the gap...starting my senior year at drexel...so on so forth.
i am indeed still amazed and very proud of what i witnessed after that horrific day...a nation united...cultures united...the outpouring of help and sympathy from the rest of the country and the world. unfathomable. still remember the tireless workers who worked on clearing the remains of the WTC...still remember the church near ground zero that became a memorial...still remember feeling helpless and feeling remorse for not being able to do more...not that i could impact anything...but knowing that i tried was what i wanted.
can't believe its been a year. i look at the last year and i like to think i did what i wanted and lived how i wanted (continue to do so...in spite of my restrictions...ie. work and bills). i can only look forward and do what i can to get by...and just live. keep livin' the dream...from vanilla sky...for those who didn't see it.
that's my take on the anniversary. one we all wish didn't have to happen.
i will switch it up now. i wondered today if we are safer than we were a year ago. maybe...i think the government is doing as good a job under what circumstances it was dealt, the timeline it was given, and the pressure it faced. will it stop anything from happening...don't know...have they done something to quelle the fears of society...possibly...has America become more aware of what has been happening to the rest of the world for decades upon decades...yes.
aside from being at work, i don't think i'll be that attentive to what's going on there. i think 99.9% of my co-workers will be watching the tele and witness the services occurring around the country and world. we even have a service tomorrow morning at work.
work...oh yes. it is a very stressed "ok". i can't complain because i do have a job (knocking) and i know it's a good starting point but two things bother me...ok it's not as fast-paced and challenging as i thought and i am not in a metropolis like nyc, dc, london, paris, or sf. it's de...which is fine if you like corporate campuses, cafeterias overlooking the sea or river, and as many trees, grass, and just land that the eye can see. give me honking cab drivers, people shoving people, yelling, screaming, and bustle. not to mention the fact that i can catch the train and go see my family, who i miss...especially my cousins...my best friend who i see once every 4 or 5 months...and my love who i long to see every day and night...and who i want to see teach...stay tuned i might be posting from somewhere else (next year).
i think that was enough writing...i'm going to go have a beer and make a call...dial-a-friend anyone?
listening to jack johnson...springsteen...mr. cheeks
seeing non-stop cnn...cnbc...that70s show...shit is mad funny.
thinking...umm....beeeeer....doooooonuuutss.
well a good morning.good afternoon.and a good night to all.
labor day weekend...shot by pretty fast but it was well worth it. summer is over...very bittersweet. no more ladies in scantly clad (sic) clothing...but now we can (for the meantime) avoid the unbearable, smoldering heat and humidity...yes this is your quasi-weatherman...heard that coppola is making an adaptation of one of my fav books...ontheroad...a little excited but i don't want my own pictures to be distorted by someone else's.
last time i checked it was still 87 degrees...almanacs...i don't buy them...i just wanted to say that...oh i also wanted to say that i still listen to techno and like moby's music a lot.
finally got a chance to meet up with chef mark in nyc...he finally got to meet rain (compliments were abundant)...ate at [fresh.] on reade (bet w.broadway and church) belissimo (sic)...bestnewjointinnyc..excellent seafood. this kid will be a most excellent chef...andiwillbeaco-owner
whatelse...went to angel bar...didn't see too many though...more evil than good found there. the hiphop set was off the heezy though...i told avrillavinge that she was too young to be there and she told me to stop hitting on the hilton sisters...isaidiwashitting on natalie portmanwhotoldmethat she'd give me her number if i wasn't wear such hideousjeans(levisvintage517) and my free winona, i mean free martha stewart shirt with cocktail sauce on it...long story all.
now back in 'ol de. trying to stay busy...tackling on addtional activities outside of work. plan to volunteer for a couple of campaigns for senate and congress. gotta start doing if you want to accomplish change. i did too much "talking" during the last 22 years. like the song...time for some action...iwillbepress.secretary. heard that myfiveyear reunion is coming up...think i'll pass on that drink...i'll be driver that night.
um...what else...oh year previously mentioned plan to take on germany's oktoberfest have been shelfed for now. let's just place the blame on timing and a lack of surplus in my account...donations are wellcome. look for updates...2003 is a possibility. very very very bummed...sorry tob...neilandiwanttoplaywhereintheworldisnico?
sorry mini diversion...eh...sit on my face. i'll write what the fuck i want. speaking of which.....
...an interesting factoid feel upon my lap this weekend. it was a lovely discovery actually...i found out that one of my ex-girlfriends...let's um...call her J...took it upon herself to enact the zipcode rule during our relationship and sleep with an ex (who lives where they protested with tea back in the day). needless to say i was astonished and have not had a clear mindset until letting loose in this entry. i hate to dwell on things...especially since i have long forgotten about that worthless trip, but ladies try to keep it clean here. that is some skankoniafiedschizzy shit....if i did that shit (none of you will ever know) i would cover my ass so my sig other wouldn't EVER find out. thought harvard b*****s weren't this stupid...applying your overpaid education 1nce in awhile would be appropriate.
i apologize for that rant. but if you knew me it takes a lot to make me angry.
thank God i have who i have now. i can't blame the messenger.
going to the strokes show in october...details to follow. redecorating my room is a creative process, but it still remains...a process. goodlife.
listening to. thevines.mpthreeslikecam'ronandrhcpandcoldplay
viewingsome. vmas.1233am.superhero.anicebed.
thinking about. work tomorrow.3am-is-onlytwohoursandtwenty7minsaway. youneverknowwhen you'llhearsomethingthatjustpissesyouoff buthenthatsamenews canhelpyourrealize whatisgood and whatisright and whatfeelsgood.
graffiti decorations under a sky of gray
this constant apprehension still giving me away
the lessons I've forgotten
inside of all I've learned
now I find myself in question
point the finger at me again
guilty by association
point the finger at me again
i wanna know the truth
i wanna know the answers
i wanna shut the door
and open up my mind
paper bags and angry voices under a sky of gray
this constant apprehension won't seem to go away
all my talk of starting over
these words were never true
now I find myself in question
point the finger at me again
oh yeah...said girl...she's the best. nothing can compare. not even a bad cell phone reception can hold back my love. one million letters couldn't describe the feelings i have when i'm with you. one million kisses isn't enough for me to give you. so here's my heart. love u summerrain.
whew...the summer is passing by so fast, there's not enough time to appreciate the many occurrences of the summer. love.stress.reflection.change.progression. hard to fathom what the next seasons will be like. in an effort to avoid recanting summer episodes a la real world style...fuck it...i'm going to stop being polite and start getting real.
new apartment. pretty nice pad...my room is the biggest in the house which is dope...but it's too much space to mess around with. i need an interior decorator, someone who can turn this room into something nice. but i like it so far...i need a papasan (sic) chair or like a hammock or something...yes the room is that big. the roommates are very cool...however misha has already ripped me on my bedsheets (polka dots) and my towel (purple)...fuck bro i can't help it that i'm on a budget.
work is going. there's a lot at stake here. too much to mention.
other than that...i'm just living. having the most wonderful time with the most wonderful girl. if i could bottle up the qualities she has insideandout i'd have proof that true beauty does exist. she's my care bear.
music. incubus / youssou n'dour f/neneh cherry
literature. anything beat generation
thoughts. patience is an acquired taste.
i've let enormous amounts of time pass between my posts...sorry kids.
so much has been going on since the 4th of july. not that don't go every chance i get, but i stayed in new york for two weeks for my company training. i must say that living in nyc (not just visiting) is quite an experience. it actually made me question my desire to live in such a overpopulated, manipulative, careless, engaging, innovative, and smorgesboard (sic) of a city. the other analysts in my class were pretty chill. a lot of kids from the ivy league, which made me question the caliber of students coming from these so called prestigious schools. for every legit smart ivy kid i've met i know two much smarter, never been to college type kids.
the job is fine. i'm starting to question how much value i currently add to the firm, but i also think that doing so is unfair because i've only been here a month. it's a small firm but there are unlimited promises of promotion and responsibility. bring it!
aside from that, i've been getting ready for the big move to the new place. my roommates are cool, i just hope they don't get sick of me and vote me off survivor style. i'm all about being puck or eric or danny from the real world. i can kiss my next two paychex goodbye as ikea-dreams and target-wishes are fulfilled. i hope someday i can be featured on cribs.
rain and i are fine...there are some serious things we need to discuss...i love her more though. she's one of the best things to happen to me. spending time with her in new york is priceless. if you're reading i love you. how can i not?
i'm going to go...enjoy the rest of the summer. considering that at this pace my next blog will be in september. i promise i'll try to work hard at writing more often. peace.
ears heard. norahjones..unbelievable stuff / thestrokes..inspired me to learn guitar again / coldplay
eyes saw. the gay guy from the realworldchicago in nyc's village / lord of the rings...great stuff.
mind said. the more money you come across the more problems you see.
ok so i have a little time before i leave work for the holiday....
it's so hot outside...like 100F...if you consider the heat index it's like 175F. not that any of us know what that fucking feels like but these weather wizards seem to think so. fucking jackoffs...you've got a fifty/fifty shot to guess right these guys seem to predict incorrectly all of the time.
anyway....
work is good. it's not too busy because of the holiday (as previously mentioned) but nonetheless the last twoandahalf weeks...the trading here has been relentless. it's cliche but this is the life of a wallstreetfirm. meetings everyday, not sharing all your ides for fear that someone may take it, getting in early-staying late, doing your best every second of every hour of every day of every month of every year. i'm weird...but i'm digging this job.
aside from work...my time is consumed by the gym, television, and phone. i rarely venture the badlands known as DE (catch the sarcasm) just because i've been to the mall too many times, i've been to starbucks too many times, and roaming around the supermarket isn't as cool as it 1nce was.
enough of that....
my boy mark is working for a restaurant that just opened in manhattan's tribeca district. it's called "fresh." if you can, go to the new york magazine website, click on restaurants and then on openings...good write up.
well i must sign off...as i commented on last weeks blog...i'm seeing my rain tonight. i do miss her so. LDR's work when both are committed to making it work. i'm thankful that we are.
amtrak should pay me to ride their fucking trains. ciao.
working on fridays can be a drag.
paul
myearswouldsay. the strokes/thirdeyeblind/and dean martin sound terrific
myeyeswouldsay. its getting hot in herre. thesongsucksbutthevideorules.
mymindwouldsay. some people work much harder than 95% of the population but as far as earnings they're the ones making the bottom 5%. this society is fucked up. some rich people can be selfish, greed, and stupid...and they're the ones ruling this country. democrat and republican.
one thousand greetings/apologies and winks for allowing so much time to pass between blogs.
i've missed posting my thoughts...from work...no less. whirlwind cannot even begin to describe the changes that have occurred in the last, almost month now. from love to graduation to work....i've been going through that "rite of passage" feeling that everyone who finishes something big goes through....be it graduation (in my case), a wedding, having a child, starting a new job (my case again)...what have you. all cliche examples but its all i could come up with.
i must tell you that i started this blog at nineam. it's now elevenam and i just got back from completing my health/dental/life insurance procedures...if that's not fucking scary...i don't know what is. i'm aging fast. can someone lead me to that proverbial fountain of youth i should be looking for? ok maybe not yet.
some of the great things that have happened to me during the last weeks...
graduated from college.finally.ceremony was nice, weather was hot in herre/said goodbye to my dear friends from eyehouse. that was sad.it still is actually.luckily we all care enough about each other to keep in touch.some may even move to delaware..maybe.oktoberfest anyone?/moved out of ihouse (ah the memories) and back home (for now)...it's good to chill with my family/started my new job (very fast/busy/noisy...people are nice...but in order to be $ucce$$ful you need to have a rough mentality...at least in my field) free coffee...alright alright alright/found my future home (a townhouse i'll be moving into in august that's 3 minutes from work)
found the relationship i've been in longing for, for what seems like my whole life. she's wonderful...smart/funny/exciting/spontaneous/caring/understanding/witty/genuine/real/unique/someonewhocanrelate/beautiful...an another level type girl..once in a lifetime type of girl..check that once in a million lifetimes type of girl. i've really fallen for her and i don't want to get up. there are a few issues that are pains in our angle-side-sides but its nothing we can't fight and overcome. for those of you reading who don't think it can happen...trust me it can. you're beautiful babe ms. summer rain.
ok i think i've caught up to speed....too bad the limit is 55, this cat's going 95 right now.
just listening to the radio. which plays a lot of bullshit by the way
just watching. cnbc...my co-workers love it so i have no choice
just reading. a lot of things that i don't quite understand, yet
just thinking. ok...breathe...now open your eyes.
i am 'officially' done on saturday. really great stuff. really confusing stuff. really exciting stuff. i know what i'm doing after i graduate but i really don't know what i'm doing when i graduate. i think everyone i know who is graduating is experiencing the same thing.
my friend lets call her summer rain has been on my mind like crazy. we so desperately want to be together but there are barriers to entering such a great thing...too many to mention...but i know she likes me and i'm so into her i can't even begin to describe. i know that those of you who read this probably don't really care about this but its what has been on my mind since the friday last. i know it can't happen now, but inside i know we'll do our best to make it happen; barriers and all. summer rain.
sorry i've been on a hiatus from blogging. i work on less than 3 hours of sleep every night...the remaining 21 hours can be encapsulated in one giant (apartment hunting/world cup watching/moving and packing/having fun with friends/discovering more about spontaneous/smart/real/beautiful summer rain/living life) crepe. sorry but that's all i could come up with now.
and so i leave you with...
"something like this it just feels so right...nothing comes easily....sometimes you've got to fight...amber is the color of your energy."
i'm finally done school had a whirlwind weekend. celebrated andrea's birthday...fun time. also celebrated the graduation of some friends over the weekend.
i'm still in shock about how over everything is (academically) and everything is a changing. friends are leaving. when i think about the last week i am reminded of that video by vanhalen called "right now". one of the stills in the video shows a clock and the quote says "time is having its way with you". couldn't be anymore true.
i think after this weekend i'm more confused than ever before...this time it deals with the opposite sex. enough said. walk on.
music- weezer.n.e.r.d.aerosmith.u2
reading- siddhartha by hesse
thinking- it never really does work out, does it?
it's funny when you catch someone lying to you....the lengths people will go to try and cover something you already know the answer to. it's a shame but many people i know do it, and i'm always catching them. it's funny.
listening to music really loud is a good way to push people away. you look busy but you're really not. you may damage your ears though.
i wanted to post some lyrics to a great song that no one really likes except me. if you get a chance download pearl jam's "do the evolution". once you do that the government will track your sorry ass down. look at me i'm posting from jail right now. can someone bail me out, please?
musik - garbage. thestrokes. pearl jam
litrachure - amerika by kafka
tawght - people are alcoholics
i try not to regret things too much but i think there are some moments in the last year that i do indeed wish had/hadn't happened.
i took eva out for some coffee / she's leaving tomorrow for Spain / it really sucks that she's outta here but i know i'll see her again...in Munich this September i hope. pass the courvoisier! i haven't written (in depth) for sometime now. i think it's been therapeutic for me(computers can be evil sometimes)...plus why right for the sake of righting; where's the beauty in that shit.
this is really the final countdown now. it's like 18 some odd days until i'm completely out of philly. i'd be lying if i didn't allow myself to believe living in philly and eyehouse changed my life tremendously. i've grown in many facets; 1.living in a metropolis heightens one's awareness especially if you come from affluent MC/W suburbia like me 2.living in a metropolis also allows you to experience things some people just see on t.v. (historic districts / nightlife / drugs / alcohol / extreme wealth / gluttony / fake people / celebrities / homelessness / crime / violence / wawa sandiches / unlimited snapple bottles / people's ability to consume as much as they waste...crazy shit) 3.living in eyehouse exposed my ignorance and preconceived notions about other countries / cultures / and people however 4.it also allowed me to correct my sometimes oblivious nature and learn a lot 5.eyehouse is the only place i know where i can sit with people from China / Croatia / Ukraine / Russia / Saudi Arabia / Germany / France / Korea / Japan and all over discuss (or mock) politics / watch pornography (kidding..ok just 1nce) / play risk / watch sports playoffs / drink / drink / drink / peut-etre fumer le be-doo? / and learn about each other...shit i will so miss this place.
what burns is that when i leave i would expect some people to be here if i ever wanted to come back (jflo/ruch/nish-boogie/allen aka doubledown will be here) but as fate would place it all my other friends are leaving for either another part of the us or another part of the world. i'm not one to doubt fate but it sucks how it turns out sometimes...sort of like missing your ex-girlfriend and not hearing from her until you have already moved on...that's the fucking burn.
tonight i have to write a paper for my final presentation on thursday but i highly doubt that will deter me from participating in activities that will prevent me from waking up at the time i should wake up. got a meeting with misha at 11 regarding our apartment search then group meetings (i love the Drexel library) then cavs (a must).
i must leave now but i'll write more..when i feel it's necessary. paul
imlisteningto: the strokes / placebo / blur / truth hurts
imreadingthe: latest businessweek / gq / rollingstone
imthinkingthat: in eighteen days i'll be back in delaware
cannot right much today....i haven't posted in awhile and that is not necessarily a bad thing. been thinking about BMC a lot / i never speak to her on the phone and rarely do i receive e-mails. it sucks sometimes but i'll get over it.
wednesday thru today has been fun. went to BLK to visit my future employer / i think there i'll learn to appreciate the idea of team-work, competitiveness, and 'performance based acceleration'. went to ALM's graduation party. it was very fun...i'm happy for her. celebrated my graduation with my parents and some friends (though i still have two weeks left).
running now...people waiting for a computer can be fierce
don't feel like righting much today. went to the bar last nite. had some fun before nish-boogie heads off to san fran.
i think getting up in the late afternoon is much harder than in the morning.
sixtydegrees, sunny, with a slight breeze is very nice.
watching people through the rpo is funny...i think 1nce i start working i won't find too many things funny anymore..it's scary.
in the meantime i find solice in the fact that the cafe downstairs always has free coffee.
onmympthreeplayer. gorillaz / dirty vegas / lifehouse
onmytelevision. thenewashantivideo / thebreakfastclub
onmythoughtpalette. drink specials will be my only reason for going out tonight or tomorrow
the weekend is almost behind me. it wasn't too bad. had good times with friends. here's the recap.
friday. envy. the club wasn't that great but the people inside were nice. tobias, neil, and myself contested as to who would be able to find a female by night's end. needless to say tobias and myself were down 1-0 (each) at that point. you'll have to ask neil (www.thelazyeye.com) about the victory. later that night back at the eyehouse...i discovered that an american should not take on a frenchman in a drinking match-up. nico consumed nine vodka shots to tobias / neil / and myself doing six each. quite pathetic. neil also won our hallway frisbee toss...score is 2-0
saturday. it was understood that saturday night would have to be much more productive evening than friday in order to validate this weekend as a 'success'. we (jax, melissa, tobias, neil, and me) went to 5spot for hip-hop night. very crowded and very not envy. needing to release tensions from the night prior (and with a little kick in the ass by senor durbin) i got my ass off an expensive red leather couch and manuvered my way to the dance floor (couldn't be shy this night, besides i've seen girls ten times better looking and better dancing in miami). not even 5spot minutes am i on the floor, does an attractive girl approach me for a dance. natalie was her name. long story short. we danced for about a half hour, exchanged numbers, she asked me to call her if we couldn't meet later that night in the club. well we didn't meet and i don't think i'm calling...but there's reasons behind that...for that you'll have to wait for the unedited version. btw...baggage or no baggage...melissa is hot. another btw...anyone can look attractive if they're wearing one of those alicia keys hats. i know only a few who can pull it off...alicia keys, nish-boogie, and maybe curvy french chicks (anyone remember deborah?)...girls at 5spot think they can wear those hats and be attractive and assholish but it doesn't work if you dance and look shitty.
sunday. i think the element that makes wawa sandwiches so good is the bread. bought two loaves, no more overpriced sandwiches for me. must finish a presentation and paper by this evening and also apologize to my professor for not making to the review session this past saturday. reason: refer to said drinking contest with a frenchman. risk might be on the menu as well...i don't care if i'm a n.e.r.d. because no one ever really dies.
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move or else you'll win
And then begin
To see
What you're doing to me this MTV is not for free
It's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee
Of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I can't keep these feelings on the shelf
I've tried well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
I'll do as I'll decide and let it ride until I've died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities
To the ground I've found
I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
That's really all this was
And when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck
I don't rely on luck because...
The hook brings you back
-by BT
i'm hearing. the sounds of silence / hook / i'm a i'm a dirty dog
i'm seeing. the us soccer team lose
i'm thinking. i wrote a lot today.
sleeping is never overrated....don't let the masses tell you otherwise. they're just jealous.
i was looking forward to a bbq being held @eyehouse but it was shelfed due to the weather forecast. we place too much emphasis on weather...bbq in the rain could work...given determination and persistence. such slackers.
my friend ran into allen iverson yesterday @the park hyatt bellevue. that reminds me of my encounter with him about three years ago. it was pre-MVP, pre-scoring titles, pre-nba finals, and pre-public scrutiny. the guy was as ghetto fabulous as one could get. not to say that my status as a 'hood' officianado should influence this tale, but back to ai. the first thing he did was check out my friend, stare at her ass, laugh, say something i couldn't comprehend, and nod his head my way, you know, the proverbial "i'm rich, i play in the nba, and i can get anyone to sleep with me" kind of nod...after that, i strolled into a chauffeured (check spelling) bentley and drove away. fucking asshole. i'm so happy he plays in philly.
on the menu this evening. laundry / boredom / shifts in the rpo / catching the strokes on last call w/daly / maybe i'll shelf everything and get loaded at the new deck / that's unlikely though
with the help of senor durbin i enabled commenting on my blogger. to my expectation, not that many people have replied....i don't really care either way but i'd like insight about my insight.
smoking sucks..i'm officially quitting (tomorrow)
my forecast cloudy in the high 60s with no possibility of 'play' tonight.
music. threeeleven. big tymers. miles davis.
book. 'glamorama' by ellis. 'brave new world' by aldous huxley
mind. haven't seen ms. brazil in three days.
"welcome to the real world she said to me, condescendingly, take a seat, take your life, plot it out in black and white" -JM
voicing has become available. comment as you wish.
i hope this improves the communication between people checking out this journal.
in class now. i think i need a break from school and work. travel to somewhere like prague or bombay or rio de janeiro or seville for like two years. maybe later on in life. work is on the horizon for me. i don't necessarily see that as a bad thing. doing economics / game theory / portfolio analysis. not a horrible existence. it could be better (mtv vj) or worse (an unemployed vegas lounge act).
i heard this song by threeeleven called "amber". really chill. makes me think about some of the girls that used to be in my life and some girls in my life now. maybe i'm a fucking sap...but i really don't care. highly recommend downloading the song. uggh...can't get lorrie fair out of my mind. i mean she's not super famous but c'mon the girl is pretty amazing. it's like one of those things you wish you would have said something to someone a time long in the past (i sound like i'm writing a screenplay), but you didn't have the guts to...so you're left with a glass of rum and coke and an unfulfilled conversation / never again i say. carpe diem baby.
three weeks left in school...need to seize every moment. joyous / frustrating / or otherwise.
observing other students is funny..i wonder who's observing me?
iliketolistento. then the strokes. now 311 / diddy. future possibly norah jones
iliketoobserve. will being a good hunter. shakespeare's lovelife. the similarities between water and chocolate
iliketothink. how long before i shoot spiderwebs out of my wrists.
i apologize for those offended by my most recent post...eh...fuck off!
ok some let's recap some things. i am done with microeconomics (B average) / i take back some of the bad things about barnoir (after last nite) / spiderman was a great movie (tobey rules) / drinking on consecutive nights is very healthy.
last nite was pretty fun. at barnoir this thirtytwo yearold thought my friends and i were like 25-28 in age. i didn't want to diappoint her so i went along with her naive assumption. it was fun pretending to be something else for someone. my new something...well i told this ex-Sixers cheerleader that I was a racecar driver in france but my contract wasn't extended to this year. let me tell you the things people will believe. i also told her that formula one is looking to incorporate cheerleaders during races. i told her i'd put in a good word for her. impersonating a french accent isn't as hard as i thought.
i also saw some famous people at the spot. two to mention. jude law and lorrie fair. rather than talking about an actor who i really don't care to speak about let's talk about ms. fair. she is an amazing soccer player (womens world cup) and is incredibly attractive. i wanted to talk to ms. fair but i was sideswiped by a huge guy who plays for the philadelphia phillies. fucking athletes. let me get my roid shot and i can be big too. eh...i wouldn't have done anything with her anyways.
ok time for cavs...
twentyfourpissed. let's see. racecar drivers / fighting baseball players to get to a girl
wwwshouldread. http://thiesandrea.blogspot.com
maybelisteningto. n.e.r.d. / the strokes / travis / blur
maybereadingsome. articles in the wsj
maybethinkingthat. drinking in college is a necessity / brazilian girl is going to cavs or is she not?
monday knight | trying to stay busy but really there's nothing for me to do.
i think i'm going to hold off on going out the rest of the week (until thursday) / that's the only special i really like attending. today was pretty blurry. i take back what i said about sleeping that long. somehow it's fucking with my system right now. like i'm still in that sleep haze...it's that feeling you get when you wake up and rub your eyes and stagger out of your room...it's something like that but it's gone on for like 10 extra hours. very scary stuff.
going to get my graduation things tomorrow...forty four bucks...no dinner no awards just a cap and gown. fucking rip-off. i think my school really tries to shaft you till the end. oh well i'll deal with it
i fucking lost again in risk. i know i sound like a n.e.r.d. but i'm competitive and it can be fun to observe the shit people try to pull just to stay in the game.
girl K called but i didn't return the message. i know it's asshole-ish but hey i'm afforded that right once in awhile especially with the shit i've gone through. i like to pull trump cards when people least expect it. i like their resulting reactions...quite real...and quite funny. trumps should be used more often. i'm not that sinister am i?
calling it a night.
p
vingtquatre. people in general have been pissing me off
goto. http://www.ft.com
listento. blur / travis / pearl jam / wu-tang
reading. girls' minds
thinking. graduation is really close | now is the perfect time to have dinner
happy monday. forecast is rain with a high of 72 degrees.
i think this is the longest i have ever slept. i went to be at 1a and got up at 3p...i think that's 14 hours / terribly unhealthy but it felt really fucking good.
working in the rpo right now. downloading music is a wonderful thing.
i'll write more if there's more to say.
i'm listening to blur / travis / pearl jam / steve miller band
today my dad and i took my mom out to eat in chinatown...excellent food / i recommend the dim-sum @oceancityrestaurant. tres bien / this weekend was pretty fun. party on friday wasn't too excellent. a lot of drinking but a lot of guys. i caught up with said girl "K" very much later that night. nothing happened though...i am an example of chivalry in this day and age.
saturday i realized that i am a horrible volleyball player / whatever i'll kick anyone's ass at sony playstation / soccer (foosball) / and beer pong...i also realized that changing scenery doesn't always leave you with having a better time.
btw...we're in code red with said brazilian girl. i'll have to use my best tactics if i want this girl to notice me...not that i have any tactics to utilize. i am able to use the element of surprise very well.
listeningto. bonjovi / youssou n'dour f.neneh cherry / peter gabriel
readingthe. newest business week / trying to read women's minds
thinkingthat. no one can read women's minds / how does my cousin already have a dvd of starwars episode 2
yesterday's exam has left little for me to say. it, in every sense of the phrase, kicked my ass. it's done and that's all i need to say about that.
people are funny. i wonder if we're more funny when we try to be or when we do things that others find funny. it's funny when people call you out of the blue, especially the ones who call and pretend as if you talk everyday....well the reason i bring this up is that girl K called me and while i was a bit suprised, my reaction was pleasant. long story short...she's coming to visit me tonight (so she says) / although i did really like this girl since my 3rd year @university / i doubt we'll let anything happen stay tuned
tell me if this is fucked up. i get some satisfaction knowing that some of my counterparts, across the street at an over-priced university, have not found a job yet. mind you these are the same kids who gave me shit about not studying at W / i know it fucked up but hey i wish i weren't in there shoes...this only applies to those lucky (cough...wealthy) enough to study at said elitist / facist / brain-washing IV univ. go dragons!
twentyfour. late-night bickering / being dropped for laundry / driving down the 101 california here we come right back where we started from
look at. http://www.thestrokes.com
hearing. for some odd reason madonna / phantom planet
seeing. coffee hour / making a move on said friend whom i just heard from
thinking. the jedi thing must work tonight.
what a dreary thursday...i think i should never drink the day before an exam ever again...oh wait this is my last exam as an undergrad (strike this comment from the record)
i think i've said this before and i will say it again international girls are amazing...we'll just leave it at that. carnival anyone? oh yeah about said "girl", i did talk to her, and i did get a #.
so today i've got this mid-term, but it pretty much is the culmination of my studies here. after this, it's just presentations / papers / and things of the such. i obviously didn't study as much as i should but i've technically got sixhours until gametime. i don't think coach brown will mind if i skipped practice yesterday. "after all, i am the greatest player in the world" (ref: iverson / brown press conferences).
this week hasn't been as mind-draining as i thought it would be, then again, i'll refer to that after my exam.
have to study...
24. drinking until 3am and not having dinner before hand / missing the special at cavs / referencing pbs programmes when you're loaded
view. http://www.ihouse.org
wholenotes. sneaker pimps / the strokes / nelly furtado / ub40
plainview. lots and lots of econometrics
imagining. does the jedi thing really work?
what exactly does the term 'productive' mean? i got up at 12 / packed away my printer / watched fight club / sent out some letters-- i think that was a pretty 'productive' day. i was able to conjure up thoughts of mayhem and mischief...though neither of the two are really notions of productivity...i still think my day was more fruitful than 99% of the world / i feel like starting a fight and losing on purpose
so this week looks to be long and mind-draining, yet this week begins my final 'trek' through the waters called Drexel and this sailor is ready to set his feet on some dry land...can you smell the symbolism? two exams this week and then presentations for the following three weeks. next week i get my cap / gown / and announcements. very scary shit...on the rizzy for shizzy.
also this week another round of friends are leaving...this time instead of for kentucky in sunny's case...it's for germany. man european kids know how to let loose. no where else have i seen kids drink from eightpm till fouram and get up by 9 to take an exam. fucking crazy. i think i need to study abroad for b-school. well frank is off to germany this saturday and we're planning a soiree for the entire house. my friends and i have been known to cause trouble...but it's all in fun and for the benefit of some other sheltered kids. i used to be that way. nothing like apple martinis to lighten the mood. back to the point...i'm hoping i can visit my intl friends sometime in the future. make some dents in the rest of the world.
i'm giving this girl fifteen more minutes...i give everyone fifteen mintues
twelveplustwelve. people who front very well / losing at risk / unproductive people
browse. http://www.whitehouse.gov -everyone's got to laugh sometime.
retna. fight club - tyler durdin is right in a very fucked up way / homework / limewire
eardrum. ub40 / billy joel / john mayer / state property
medula. i hope this brazilian girl stops by the cafe soon...i gotta study / i hope said brazilian girl calls me tonight.
sunny left this morning...i really wanted to see her before she left today but my alarm didn't go off in time. if you're reading...sorry Sunny...i'll see you soon though.
after my review yesterday i played it low key the rest of the night. relaxed in the cafe / played jenga / caught up with some friends
i think i'm ready to start packing my things and get ready for my jet plane to leave eyehouse. kind of sad to leave but there's more out there for me to do. i wish i were taking a long holiday before working but no tengo dinero so working is my only option. in the next three months i've got to have money for an apartment (that i haven't found yet) / funiture for this undiscovered apartment / technology for this undiscovered apartment / and for the inevitable student loan payments
i know things could be worse so i will not even bitch about my situation / it seems unfair to do so anyways...somebody slap some sense into me. it's May, the sun is out, the flowers are blooming, and the world is on the brink of summer. can't wait. daylight until eightpm / seventy degrees by nineam..i know i'm a self-proclaimed fall-winter person but one has to appreciate what spring and summer bring.
ok enough rants for today....check in a few.
paul / paulrespicio@yahoo.com
twentyfour. studysession running over max time. friends leaving. lack of capital. people who can cry on cue.
yourbrowsershouldread. http://www.soyouwanna.com -tells you how to do everything you ever wanted to do
eyes. nba playoffs / mountain's worth of studying for this week / reading material for work (already)
ears. chris isaak / elton john / bob marley
brain. good luck to my family and friends taking (or finishing) finals this week / i should try and study tonight.
in the midst of a rigorous econometrics review - on a saturday no less..
the sixers lost / i finished salinger / took sunny out to newdeck for her last friday in philly / haven't eaten dinner in three days
rye was an excellent read. makes you think about what makes you tick and what makes you get up and what makes you happy. in the book holden struggles with what he's all about and in the end he makes some progress in finding that out. it made me think of what i'm about and what some others are about. i think what that exactly is continues to change with experiences...or lack of experiences.
i think the next read on my list will be kafka's "amerika". another revelation of personal struggle, growth and discovery....good will hunting was a great film.
vingtquatre: long study sessions on saturdays / missing a picnic and ample fun / 80s songs overkill
regarez: http://www.ikea.com
ecoute: elton john / the strokes / nelly furtado
vois: snl tonight / complicated equations / the wald test:indirectt-test:directt-test
pense: i hope this stuff sinks in by thursday night...hopefully earlier than that
met group @2 / worked in cafe / passed up chance to go out
sixers have tied the series 2-2...i hope they win on friday.
i was reading salinger this afternoon and i read something that struck me, so i think i'd like to journal it..."the mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." serious shit right here. i won't get deep on this topic...don't think i'm able...i'm so tired right now. eyes begin to close.
this entry is short....so i'm sorry
twenty4: people who spill coffee / people who don't see guy ritchie movies when given the opportunity
youreyesshouldsee: http://www.amazon.com (people should spend more time reading books and less time reading what i bitch about)
ears: anything by moby / anything neptunes / anything al green
eyes: eightyfivepercent done salinger / must tackle some more kerouac or steinbeck or kafka or tolstoy
mind: i need a cold beverage....this italian girl knows how to dress.
tuesday is almost done...so is april? gone so fast.
going to class at 10 and coming back at 9 really takes its toll on such an old man like myself. i wonder if it would be too juvenile of me to drive a car considering my commute borders on roughly 5 city blocks. ok i guess i'll settle for a scooter.
let's do the final academic countdown...in the next month i've got two mid-terms, one case/project and one project/presentation...i keep telling myself not to buckle...then i wonder if i even need to try these last weeks. i think i will anyway...it's just my nature i guess.
i feel like having some alcohol this evening...hope one of my friends is in the same mood i'm in. otherwise, it'll be wawa sandwiches and snapple for the rest of the evening...apple martini's anyone? i still feel like a walking timebomb...but i'll live.
i decided on starting my post-college job a week earlier...juneseventeenth. exciting stuff. i hope i know what i'm doing at this company...who shall remain nameless for copyright's sake...i've very lucky to be where i'm at. it sucks knowing that more dedicated, more intelligent, and more needy kids don't have jobs....i feel bad. but i know i shouldn't, just a roll of the dice i guess.
twentyfour: bad jokes / elevators that smell / not being able to steimy government policy
ears would say: paul is listening to the strokes / white stripes / the roots / lauryn hill
eyes would say: salinger is brilliant / the drexel library's reference section is massive
mind would say: does the jedi mind thing really exist and if so, could i relay to nelly furtado or natalie portman that i'm "the one"
youshouldsee: http://www.thestrokes.com
remember that song..."i don't like mondays"...just thought i'd reference that since it is monday.
i just saw a pretty interesting movie called "the sum of all fears". adapated from the clancy novel. good stuff. i think it does an excellent job of mirroring political / military tensions that existed (and in some factions, still exist) between the us and russia. i won't ruin it for those of you going to see it...but it's very captivating.
well i should be working on the econometrics assignment i've been putting off, not to mention the paper i need to write for my non-profits class. five more weeks. then i'll be audi quattro. i should call my boy Mark...he's interviewing for a chef gig back home in DE...some really posh joint...hope he gets it.
seeing- the sum of all fears / salinger
hearing- nas / nelly furtado / the crystal method
thinking- what is the shelf life on spaghetti sauce / why do ads for watches always read 10 & 2..i already know the answer to this one.
twentyfour- attractive international women who only know english words that insult
toview- http://www.apple.com --just say no to peecees
i got my ass beat in chess...i'm not too bitter about that except for the fact that people just felt like they had to watch. i think a couple of times i moved my pieces just to make them wonder if i really knew how to play...bastards....go by a television. i think i maybe venting my frustration of losing on the audience. i'm sure when a.i. has a bad game he doesn't blame the fans, he blames himself. i mean i'm competitive in all things that require mental exertion ...chess being one thing on a list of things a mile long. maybe i'm just bitter, yeah that it. let it ride.
this weekend has been on the shitty side. there wasn't a whole lot to do. in the last 9months...i've become uninterested in the philadelphia nightlife. same thing everytime....you go to these bars or lounges and watch insipid rittenhouse square wannabe socialites hit on your friends (nish-boogie, ruch, and jax...not to mention hit on neil, double-down, and myself). it makes me nauseous. it's like you're surrounded by really, really uninteresting people and it's not worth the energy....let alone the money. i should use the money on books and music. i'm just voicing er..journaling my observations. i'm so happy that my friends are with me when i go out...they play the voices of reason otherwise i'd go nuts. maybe i should confine myself to playing trivial pursuit every weekend.
i think i'm the biggest hypocrite i know.
oh well...
hearing....phantom planet / aerosmith / n.e.r.d.
seeing.....nba playoffs (go sixers) / salinger / easton ellis
thinking....i need to hone my chess skills / ice cream would be nice
twenty4pzzz....nosy people / losing in chess / naked pictures
youshouldview....http://www.swatch.com / http://www.m-w.com (brush up on some big words kids) / http://www.snapple.com
last nite was fun. one of my friends threw a party because he's off to France this evening. like i said a while back....you get used to people coming and going (especially living here at eyehouse)....most people get used to it, i don't think i do. it's always a bit sad for me to see people i've become accustomed to seeing everyday and gotten to know, leave just like that.
it sucks...but as my French friend told me last nite..."c'est la vie" bon chance julien!
despite the reason for last nite's soiree, it was still fun. one thing i will miss about eyehouse is seeing international students party. in my four years living in universityhousing, this year living in my own microcosm of the world aka eyehouse, has been the most fun. i've relearned the concepts of working hard, being real, and having a good fucking time! i'm loving it.
well it's official. five more weeks of classes, then it's graduation to the pros. then it'll be my time for saying goodbyes and all that. my nervousness has transformed itself into shear madness. i'm like a walking timebomb...but it's nothing a good apple martini can't fix...not to mention some good music....especially radiohead. i listen to thom yorke's lyrics and i realize i'm not as fucked up as some others out there. and these bastards are rock stars.
seeing/reading: nba playoffs (c'mon sixers) / salinger and kafka
hearing: radiohead / oasis / any neptunes stuff
thinking: departures are sad / the weather is nice
24pissy: turning in homework late / burnt popcorn / bathrooms that smell like tuna / right-wing politicians' brainwashing abilities (ref. to the recent vote of Le Pen in France)
sites2view: http://www.lemonde.fr and http://www.moviefone.com
unlike most people...i like the rain. there's an underlying quality in it, whether it's the calm nature of the sound or the soothing, yet relentless pouring of drops...i just don't know. well...i'm breaking before my class at 6 so this blog will be short. people are waiting to use this computer.
last night was another hardfought war of trivial pursuit. guess who was the victor...c'est moi. granted there was a fair share of illegal advisory activity during the game...that was disregarded. all bow to the most honest trivial pursuit player in the world.
well i also heard about....ok wait.....some stupid fuck is looking at my screen. i hate it when people look at what you're typing and think they're being inconspicuous. bastards. there's no slyness involved in looking....it's not hard to notice people when they're most vulnerable. i'm wishing this fuck next to me sees this....
ok he just left
still reading, seeing, and thinking...will post more later.
so i was told recently that my blogs are boring. not that i will cater to those lucky enough to read these posts, but i guess i'll try to make it more interesting. maybe i'll start posting those fucking fun facts you can find in the lids of snapple bottles. how's that for fucking boring!
i was reminded today about the fierce trivial pursuit game that lasted until threea.m. i love how people are such good guessers at these types of games. it makes you look really intelligent if you guess correctly. sort of like the SATs. there three types of people who fare at the SATs: those who know their shit, those who guess and do well, and those who guess and do shitty. unfortunately, 90% of the population fall in the latter two categories.
i think standardized tests are complete farces to society...they serve to measure how well you take fucking tests. ok it may seem like i have a chip on my fucking shoulder, but c'mon the bias is so evident. just in case you were wondering (1390)
i guess that's another issue to be discussed....i'm feeling a bit pissed off...i'll be back later.
hearing: outkast, diddy, and moby
seeing: j.d. salinger's "rye" and the newest GQ
thinking: mmm...popcorn
home was great. good food and fun and relaxation. a much needed rejuvenation for myself.
ah...the weather is much more bearable since the weekend. now I can concentrate in my room. last week was quite extraordinary, but it wasn't welcomed at all. it's over until the summer.
i absolutely despise the heat. i am completely a fall/winter type person. people look at me funny when I say that.
tonight i have to study for an exam i have at six pm tomorrow. it's funny how much a student's work ethic declines since the begginning of school. call it what you will, senioritis, laziness, whatever...i think at this point the only focus is getting through and receiving that degree. that the state of mind i have for school. i do have some selfish objectives left, but i think for the most part my desire to excel isn't there anymore.
living at eyehouse is great. seeing people from all over the world...such a very rare experience.
ok time to wrap up...studytime.
seeing: a half-full bottle of Aquafina and a mountain of a notebook to overcome this evening
hearing: sneaker pimps, the white stripes, oasis and moby
thinking: about dinner and studying
twentyfour: losing at trivial pursuit at 3 in the morning and waking up later than expected.
sighttoosee: http://www.moby.com
hot hot hot....fuck. the ihouse has provided many of the residents here with empty promises of an a/c working by weeks end....
rent should be deducted....
going home this weekend so this will be my last blog until after the weekend....home sweet home....home is where the heart is...ah. in comparison to some of my fellow resident-mates i am quite lucky since the very popular, famous, and sometimes notorious state of Delaware is only a mere hour away. i can, in theory, go home everyday and/or as often as i'd like...i should take advantage of that but i don't. i do feel bad about that, because i don't see my parents as often as i want to and should.
i'm such a shitty kid...somebody shoot me.
these last couple of days have been so blurry....my haze has been not only heat induced but also ignited by nervousness of graduation. cap and gown, cords, figuring out gpas, invitations, rings, all that stuff. just like that five years....gone in a flash. i must say that it's been fun for the most part, there have been some curve balls thrown to this fucking batter, ones i have missed/others i have knocked out the hizzouse/and those that have confused me out of knowing what to do. but i guess now it's time to be on and out. can't dwell on the shit i haven't done in these five years, just being content with what i've done. now it's time for work/money/vacation/sleep/death. not always in that order. i'm hoping somewhere in that mix i can go to grad school, but that's easy to say when you're in my position, ask me in three years.
ok i'll stop being sentimental....that was something on my chest i had to let out.
i'm liking the fact that i can write about any care i have at any moment...it's not like a physical journal i have to lug around. it's "e" baby. my friend mentioned to me that my through my entries she's able to learn more about me...something i am happily surprised about...it makes me also wonder about what i can do so people learn about me through me, in addition to my journal. a work-in-progress my friend.
well tonight was quite unproductive. skipped class (not intentional, but much needed)...did what about fifteenmillionothers did (friends) and skipped out on two offers to go out. one for a local joint called the blarneystone and the other to a cc place called barnoir aka the market. kind of glad i'm staying in tonight. ample opportunity to watch u.s. late night tv programming at its finest...ok seriously someone shoot me.
ok time to wrap up this comp lab is getting hotta on da blotta as my friends ludacris and juvenile would say. or was it paul mccartney? ok here goes...
24pissed: #1 with a fucking bullet...the hot weather, not having a/c, people who skip class (and pull off As...bastards), buying a train ticket with quarters, and different strokes not being shown in reruns anywhere (que te hablas willis?)
mind is seeing: swingers(dvd)...best movie ever...especially when being pissed on by T.O.S. (this will be a tough one to decipher...think can't live/can't live without), oh yeah i'm also seeing the philadelphia weekly
mind is hearing: radiohead/the strokes/miles davis/sinatra/notorious b.i.g.
mind is saying: get your ass a cold beverage...kudos to g love.
ok...so maybe everyone will not get my lyrics...whatever man...i say to the masses, enlighten your musical tastes and do some research.
so what shall my rant be about today....
last night i went to a bar with some friends and we chatted it up. one of the topics was dating someone older than you. someone i know, who shall remain nameless, is going out with someone a DECADE older than her. i feel that saying ten years does it no justice. we gave her a good ribbing last night...fuck it...it was funny.
as an afterthought though...there's really nothing wrong with dating someone older (or younger) than you. i think for me my threshold is around 5-6 years (either way). however, socially it would much more acceptable for me to date someone younger than me rather than older. nevermind that. if i want to date an older, much more wrinkled, pill guzzling, fortysomething...by all means i'll do it. i like older women anyway...they just get right to it...no bullshit.
i will play hypocrite and say that i find older guys dating younger women quite disgusting. has our society not learned our lessons with the anna-nicoles, mena suvaris, and other such lolitas of the world...guess not...what i would give to be hugh hefner for one day....nevermind....couldn't take the side effects of viagra....as evidenced by the timely demise of Bill C aka Bubba.
new topic.
my economics/finance background has afforded me the liberty to say (without care) that I suck at computers...this is a horrible segway for saying that i will never figure out how people can post...so in the meantime e-mail me at: paulrespicio@yahoo.com
ok let's wrap up....
mind is hearing: chris isaak, portishead, biggie, moby and smashing pumpkins
mind is seeing: wsj, the metro, girls in short (very short) skirts and shorts, and friends (re-runs)
mind is saying: lunch is good
24pissed: the hot weather, sleepless nights, and big words (where is a dictionary when you need it)
sites2view: www.picturetrail.com/jacqui_lou
ok...so i've told most of my friends about on the mind...now that i've got their attention, what shall i do? post lyrics of some brilliant songs. here's the first (anyone with the correct answer will an undisclosed prize)...suckers!
song number one
I’m an outlaw
Quick on the draw
Something you never seen before
And I dare a motherfucker to come in my face
I got something chrome
And I got it from home
And it ain’t a microphone
And I dare a motherfucker to come in my face
It’s so real
How I feel
It’s this society
That makes a nigga want to kill
I’m just straight ill
Riding my motorcycle down the streets
While politicians is sounding like strippers to me
They keep saying
But I don’t want to hear it
Ooo baby you want me
Well you can get this lapdance here for free
Ooo baby you want me
Well you can get this lapdance here for free
song two
There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming / confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling / I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
[Without a sense of confidence / I’m convinced
there's just too much pressure to take]
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting / reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It’s haunting how I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
[Without a sense of confidence / I’m convinced
there's just too much pressure to take]
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure...
song three
please could you stop the noise i'm trying to get some rest
from all the unborn chicken voices in my head
what's there
what's there
when i am king you will be first against the wall
with your opinion which is of no consequence at all
what's there
what's there
ambition makes you look pretty ugly
kicking squealing gucci little piggy
you don't remember
you don't remember
why don't you remember my name
off with his head
off with his head
why don't you remember my name
i guess he does
rain down
rain down
come on rain down
on me
from a great height
from a great height
height
height
finally figured out how to get the right time to reflect on the mind...still haven't figured out how to get other people to reply to my entries. for now i guess it's just read-only for the masses.
went and saw two movies yesterday: freedom highway - highly recommend it, good message regarding the role of music in politics. then saw onehalf of a movie called a chronicle of corpses...let's just say i'll be generous and say it was eh. took too long to develop. funny story is that i repeated these same words to neil (www.thelazyeye.com) whilst the director walks by the office.
hot weather...this shit isn't due for another two months. at least that's what my almanac says....fucking barnes & nobles. i am not one for performing well in the heat. can't study, can't sleep, can't do much of anything. i see all these kids out here with their khaki, cargo shorts...man it makes me sick. to be in a world free from cargo short wearing college kids who act like they're in st. tropez or some shit like that. it's philadelphia...put some jeans on. besides some people need to keep their legs covered...i'll keep my observations to myself.
one shitty thing about living in eyehouse is the constant turnover of residents. in the span of three months i've seen 15+ french kids say aurevoir, two japanese kids say sayonara, and two americans say later. very disheartening...how's one supposed to conjure up relations if faces change on a dime. i've only lived at 3701 for a year (almost) so maybe my reaction is ordinary of an inexperienced eyehouser, but still. we all say we can keep in contact which is true for the most part, but its never the same. jflo said that one gets used to it...if that's the case i believe i will have developed a hardened heart. don't know if that's what i want. vive la france!
i guess i'd better ante up to what i just wrote....excuse me while i kiss the sky.
eyes: will they ever meet Natalie Portman's
ears: enigma, beanie siegel, U2, and the Strokes
mind: grade changes (when), graduating with distinction, a long night of microeconomics
24pissed: hot weather, weeklong delays in turning on a/c, people who kiss ass just to look good
